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Welcome to the Shitty  Cars of Englewood #11

Within only blocks of the concrete bunker we find some of the junkiest jalopies in all of Colorado. It's not like us to keep this bounty to ourselves. Oh, no. We want to share it with you, our loyal readers.

Today we have the privilege of examining this 1989 Buick Century wagon.

The Century is a fine example of General Motors "A-Body" cars of the era. A decade prior, GM still built a diverse range of vehicles - each with their own individual styling traits and unique features. By the time 1989 rolled around, Japanese automakers Honda and Toyota had taken a huge chunk out of the American car business. General Motors was forced to standardize - building various different models out of essentially the same shitty car.

This Century is branded "Buick", but it could just as easily be a Chevrolet, Pontiac or Oldsmobile. Even the cheapest Cadillac was the exact same car - though not available as a wagon. Only trim items such as front grills differentiated the makes. It was a truly shameful era for America's leading auto maker.

The cars weren't built to last. This Century is a perfect reflection of that. The roof (not visible in the photos) is completely stripped of paint. The sun has beaten the finish away completely, exposing the primer underneath. Elsewhere on the car we can see blobs of rust pushing through the blue. Rubber items such as window gaskets have also degraded. This car is barely over twenty years old.

It's not only time and the elements that have abused it, though. Its owner is clearly klutzy. This Century has numerous dents, dings and scratches. Notice the black duct tape retaining the left front turn signal housing, the bent hinges on the driver's door, the crushed tail gate and the electrical cord dangling through the grill (probably for an oil warmer).

The strangest thing about this shitty car of Englewood is that is sits in front of the tidiest house for blocks in any direction. The Century's owner keeps a spotless yard, immaculate flower boxes and a crisp, freshly painted home. Why he still chooses to drive this pile of crap is anybody's guess.

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Welcome to the Shitty  Cars of Englewood #9

Within only blocks of the concrete bunker we find some of the junkiest jalopies in all of Colorado. It's not like us to keep this bounty to ourselves. Oh, no. We want to share it with you, our loyal readers.

Today we are taking a long look at this 1972 Ford Gran Torino hard-top which, from a styling perspective,  is stuck somewhere in that blurry area between classic seventies muscle car and cheesy American luxury.

It's got a sweet scooped hood, painted yellow, with "351 Windsor" decals on it and mean-lookin' Cragar-style 5-spoke wheels like a hot rod - but it's also got a vinyl top and 4" wide vinyl protective trim running the length of its body. Certain features would appear at home on a clean, tricked-out street machine. Others would look more at home on a big Lincoln town car.

72' Torinos are actually very cool cars. They're most famous feature is the "fish mouth" front grill. The Torino was available in seveal variations in '72, incuding the fast-back or sport-back version popularized by the movie Gran Torino. This car just happens to be the super-lame "LTD" edition with the crappy 1970's schlock trim package.
The owner has this Torino registered with collector's plates which idicates that he or she is either quite prideful of the scarcity and special interest of this automobile or that he or she is a cheapskate and that the pig won't pass emissions.

It never moves. This car sits paralell parked in it's spot month after month, season after season without so much as budging. Someone keeps a few pound of air in the tires; that's about it.

Kind of a shame. This crappy car of Englewood should be cruisin' the streets.

rsz 2012-09-08 12-27-37 32572grantorCAc

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Welcome to the Shitty  Cars of Englewood #8

Within only blocks of the concrete bunker we find some of the junkiest jalopies in all of Colorado. It's not like us to keep this bounty to ourselves. Oh, no. We want to share it with you, our loyal readers.

This amazing Mercury Sable wagon is a vehicle we have spotted on numerous occasions - but, until now we had not had the opportunity to photograph it. It's most often in use, turning heads as it fetches groceries in true hotrod style.

It's owner is clearly very proud to pilot such an awe-inspiring incredible vehicle. He has taken the time and spent the money to fit the Sable with awesome mags and race-rated tires for ultimate control and high-speed cornering. He probably drives it with the ferocity of the late Dale Earnhart, to whom tribute is paid by the #8 decal that decorates the rear window glass. 

Superior underpinnings are only one brilliant feature of this amazing Sable wagon. The flat black and white race-inspired paint job gives the car a custom look and was obviously applied by the dedicated motorist who calls the Sable his own. It's offset by tasteful pinstriping which graces the hood and rear hatch door. Some of the flat black paint has begun to fall off - but you can bet that the Krylon King will rattle-can those blemishes away soon.

Notice that, draped from the rear bumper, there is a placard of some kind which includes the phrase "WT IZ IT?" or "what is it?". We know what it is. It's a shitty car of Englewood. And it's glorious.

 

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