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Saturday, 23 February 2013 14:16

The Shitty Cars of Englewood #13. Residential junkyard

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Welcome to the Shitty  Cars of Englewood #13

Within only blocks of the concrete bunker we find some of the junkiest jalopies in all of Colorado. It's not like us to keep this bounty to ourselves. Oh, no. We want to share it with you, our loyal readers.

Today we have the privilege of examining the residential junkyard.

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How would you like to live next door to this guy? On his property and on the street, this Englewood resident stores a collection of seven enormous American land yachts from the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. None of the cars are desirable in any way. They all should have gone to the crusher decades ago. They show no indication of being operational.

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How does our hero get away with keeping these piles of junk around? They all have collector’s plates that never expire – that’s how. If these cars had expired tags the owner would be ticketed. Because they are registered as collector’s vehicles they are allowed to sit there rusting, leaking and pissing off the neighbors.

There are four late 60’s Buick Electra 225’s (also known a “deuces and a quarter”), one of which the owner actually drives, an early 1970’s Chevy Monte Carlo, an enormous Mercury Cougar and about a 1978 Buick Electra Park Avenue. Not one of the seven cars has any collector’s value to speak of. They’re models that time was well justified in forgetting.

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Four of the cars occupy grave sites on the corner property, either in the driveway or on what should be the lawn. Three of them take up on-street parking spots that other people would probably like to have access to considering the home is in a the vicinity of a busy hospital. It’s impossible not to do a double take driving past the property. It’s not like this guy is collecting Duesenbergs. These vehicles will never be restored. They’ll sit right where the sit now until the dude finally croaks and his kids have them hauled away.

In the meantime, the cars are just corroding. They’re full of trash, too. There are piles of old newspapers and other garbage stored in the passenger seating areas of almost all of them. Their cloth interiors, like their steel exteriors, are rotting in the sun and elements. These vehicles belong in junk yards, yet here they sit – in Englewood.

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Englewood is a car town. Relaxed rules relating to the storage of vehicles is one reason to live here. If you’ve got a cool old pickup or an RV and you want to store it on your property you need only adhere to a few basic rules. Still, this kind of thing has no place in any town, not even Englewood.

It would be interesting to learn who this crazy bastard is and ask him why he keeps these jalopies around. Does he think they’re valuable? Does he actually believe that he is going to roll up his sleeves and fix them all up someday?

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Colin Daniels

Colin is the emcee of the South Stands Denver Fancast and maintains our Twitter and Facebook accounts.

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0 #1 AaronX 2013-02-23 18:39
awesome again Colin! LOVE this column!!!
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