I've written this same piece now for probably the fifth year in a row and there was a slim moment a few weeks back that I thought I finally wouldn't have to write it. The Broncos would have been playing in the Super Bowl and it would have been an easy decision on who to root for. But since we all know how that turned out, I'll write it again this year just in case you're on the fence with which team you should get behind. The
Enemies of the Broncos
The Ravens have been a classic nemesis for your hometown Broncos for many years. And since I figured
The waters get a little murky here because fans from both cities can be equally obnoxious. The San Francisco Giants have won the World Series twice in as many years so the fans are a tad cocky. But the 49ers haven't even been close to a championship since they won the Super Bowl in 1994 so they could get a big head like the scum in
The Ravens purple and black scheme seems intimidating enough, but I can think of another team that wears purple and black that doesn’t strike fear into anyone’s heart. At least not in MLB anyway. And the cartoon bird is a little goofy and not that scary when you think about it. I mean it’s just a crow right? Heckle and Jeckle were crows. The 49ers logo is simple yet powerful and the uniform is a sports classic: the red, white and gold heralds NFL royalty and I crown this category winner thusly.
Advantage: San Francisco
I'm not sure which Harbaugh coaches what team and since both seem like meatheaded loudmouths, I'm going to call this a wash. I hope they both get diarrhea and the only Bowl they coach on Sunday is at the Comfort Inn.
This is a simple decision. Joe Flacco has got to be one of the most mediocre quarterbacks to ever ascend this far up the NFL food chain. He threw three good passes in
Half time show
Well, at least Madonna's withered, old ass isn't going to be up there this year. Beyonce is a world class talent and lip syncing or not, will put on a great show for morons and children alike who enjoy that sort of thing. Still, the halftime show will always and forever be a big pile of crap.
Advantage: No One. We all lose
The media is going to try and sell you on Ray Lewis's final game as a great story but don't be fooled. Celebrating Ray Lewis, who is one of the greatest linebackers to play the game, is probably the right thing to do within the confines of football. But his questionable behavior off the gridiron and his insistence that any questions he doesn’t want to answer are the work of the Devil, should give you pause as you break out your own version of his absurd and attention starved dance on Super Bowl Sunday. The 49ers don't have much that ESPN can run into the ground other than the rise of Colin Kaepernick and homophobic cornerbacks. And since both teams have a Harbaugh, there's nothing there for SF. We all figured the 49ers could be here anyway so it's not a surprise like the Ravens crashing the party. But a good story is worth its weight in gold, so for better or for worse, I begrudgingly give this one the
Weighing this scientific criteria, you can see a clear pattern develop: