Saturday, 10 November 2012 16:03

Seven Things That Suck About ... "Carolina"

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Denver Sports fans have got it made. We're lucky to live in Colorado. Win or lose, there's no place better. That's why it's easy to find Seven Things That Suck about just about every other place. Why seven? It's our lucky number. Elway's number.

Once a week we will elevate our already mile-high civic pride by picking on some other city.

This week’s victim is Charlotte, NC. "the Queen City", the "Hornets nest of Rebellion".

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tractor-pull

Tractor Pulls

Enormous engines, often several of them, propel these ridiculous smoke-spewing contraptions side-by-side down a muddy track. The idea? To tug the most weight you can as far as you can, to get covered in mud, get drunk and then have sex with your sister.

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 NASCAR

The auto-racing equivelant of Tractor Pulls. Charlotte is ground zero for the red-neckiest sport in America. Who says cars should have to turn right?

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Rednecks

Charlotte might be a modern city, but you don't have to travel too far outside of it before you're in the deep South, where people live by a different set of standards and wear coveralls a lot.

swastic 

Racism

Q) What do you call a city that doen't close it's schools on MLK day and that the NAACP calls one of the most racist in America? A) Charlotte. 

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They eat squirrels

Squirrels are a legitimate part of Southern cuisine, and are commonly eaten in the mountainous parts of the Carolinas. We're not making this up.

Pewter Belt Buckle The Confederacy 

The Confederacy

South Carolina was the first state to seceed from the Union. North Carolina was the last. Regardless, both states were on the losing side of the Civil War and both fought to keep thier slaves.

quit-smoking

Big Tobacco

One reason the Carolinas were involved in fighting to keep slavery legal is that they were growing assloads of tobacco then. They still are. The largest tobacco companies in America call the region home.

 

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