Sunday, 14 October 2012 00:29

Seven things that suck about ... San Diego

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Welcome to our brand new feature - Seven Things That Suck about ...

Denver Sports fans have got it made. We're lucky to live in Colorado. Win or lose, there's no place better. That's why it's easy to find Seven Things That Suck about just about every other place. Why seven? It's our lucky number. Elway's number.

Once a week we will elevate our already mile-high civic pride by picking on some other city.

This week’s victim is San Diego, ”Silicon Beach”, “the World’s Finest City”.

Philip Rivers

This smirking, smug, swarthy son of a bitch is easily the shittiest thing about San Diego. Our collective hatred for Rivers was stoked by his rivalry with Jay Cutler, but even though Cutler has been a Bear for a few years, Denver fans still hate him. It would be hard for us to accept if Rivers were to win it all but we can rest easy knowing that will never happen.  

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The Padres’ camo unis

The San Diego Padres wear these horrific uniforms as a “salute” to our troops. If we risked our lives for the USA we probably wouldn’t consider a bunch of millionaire baseball players on a shitty team mocking us very flattering at all.

Camo

 It’s in California

High taxes, an even higher cost of living, choking bureaucracy, constant risk of earth quakes … California sucks. What’s worse is that the assholes who live there think it’s the greatest. Screw them and their perfect climate.  

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 Sea World

San Diego is home to what has become known as the most cruel “zoo” in America, Sea World, where improper confinement of Orcas and other marine animals stir up controversy among PETA types. We could care less what those people think, but, hey, we’re piling on.

 seworld

 According to Will Farrell, It’s named after a whale’s vagina.

Who would want to live in a place like that?

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There’s virtually no culture at all there

As one America’s most white bread cities, cultural diversity is not among San Diego’s strong suits. Locals complain that there’s very little to do that’s not catered to the tourist trade.For a place not far from Mexico, San Diego lacks spice.

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 It’s way, way too hard to make fun of.

Let’s face it. San Diego is pretty close to perfect which made hacking together this article a bit off a challenge. But to hell with those people, anyway. GO BRONCOS!

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